South Island Blitzkrieg, Pt 2 (Yet Even More Franz Josef!)

Pulled into a soggy Greymouth for no reason other than it has last reasonably priced petrol until you hit Antarctica. The fellow who was WWOOFing at the hostel decided to celebrate his first night on what will likely be a dreary job by rounding up a rowdy crew to hit the town. By town, he meant the lone bar that stays open past 10. Chief amongst this motley assortment of backpacking bums were two gents from Switzerland who sweat their balls off working road construction all summer so they can bum around all winter. Took a mental note: high-paying job with heaps of time off possibility #37. They eagerly showed us pictures of the huge beastly machines they subdue like fine instruments, like a father with pictures of his newborn child. Nobody really cares either way. Regardless, it was $6 jug night much to our delight. Grizzled locals watched the horse races with desperate intensity, all the while loathing us worthless punks making a ruckus in their tavern. Feeling particularly menergetic we decided to return to our quarters via the fire escape ladder, only realizing once we were inside that we were lodged in a different building.

After a fabulous $5 fish feast at the legendary fish & chips dive on the Hoki quay we pressed on to Franz Josef, which, as you know by now, makes Sergio Leone's vision of the "Wild West" look like Burlington, VT on a Tuesday night. The following is a chronicle of 41 Hours in Franz Josef. Names have been changed in light on ongoing litigation.

7:32 pm: Rolled into the compound. "You boys here for tea [dinner in Kiwi-ese]?" "Hell yeah!" Venison stew, thankfully, with copious amounts of wine and Whiskey. Y. just quit his job; many glasses raised and consumed in the honor of jobless bums everywhere.

9:30 pm: "It's high time to get on the piss again". Off to the notorious Blue Ice, where we ran into J., who just experienced a rather unfortunate rusty axe on foot collision and is sucking down the gin to dull the pain.

11:00 pm: Went to the Monsoon, where numerous poms were totally off the hook. Shots all around for some reason that sounded logical at the time.

12:04 am: realized that Foreman vs. Holyfield '91 was on the TV. Also decided it would be a great idea to finish all the drinks lying around unattended.

12:32 am: Apparently there were many attractive Nebraska coeds crawling all over the place. Oddly enough I was too riveted to George Foreman's feeble attempt to retain former glories to notice.

2:16 am: Saw many people pile into a sedan, so several of us joined in. Saw K. splayed out cold on the sidewalk. Hogtied and stuffed into the car, deposited in front of his house. Off to Blue Ice once again for no reason other than that's where this complete stranger's car was going.

3:13 am: May have committed myself to a summer of milking cows on a farm down the road. Before I was to find out for sure from the lass who WWOOFed there, I ran like hell back to the compound.

10:30 am: Y appeared from the adjacent room: "Damn that was good! Ought to get on the piss again tonight eh." Decided it would be a great idea to slog up to Robert's Point for a misty majestic view of the Glacier.

12:43 pm: Decided the previous decision wasn't so hot given a most unfortunate hangover. However, we soldiered on because if nothing else we are Tough Young Men With A Lot To Prove.

4:44 pm: Rolled back to the house, greeted by P, who has just added a German virgin to his impressive list of conquests. Soon after, Z stumbles in. P: "Where have you been? I haven't seen you for ages!" Z: "Ah, just sittin' around doin' drugs." P: "Right on, bro!"

4:56 pm: Y arrived back with Ginger Ale, without which Canadian Club and Ginger Ale could not be possible.

6:50 pm: J serves up his famous French Onion Soup, "One of the best things a woman ever taught me". N is still waffling about quitting. Me: "I'm sick of hearing about this! Pack your bags, come bumming with us, and leave this dump for good!" J guzzling wine today to dull the throbbing pain.

7:43 pm: Y: "I don't know about you guys, but I'm going on the piss tonight!"

1:00 am: In the midst of a 280 mil rainstorm, which is no joke...

11:30 am: P: "You shoulda seen it! Black water mudslides, dudes sliding down the terminal face, valley flooding, avalanches...it was f'n awesome!" K: "I may be getting the sack...that's alright, plenty of jobs out there...like a highway worker!" Y [just waking up and stumbling into the room]: "Hell yeah! Another jobless bum! Sounds like a perfect reason to get on the piss tonight!"

Noon: Said goodbye to the boys of Franz for probably the last time...

...So now we are in Wanaka, hiking the skyline trail once again to recapture past glories. Like Foreman we went the distance, but we are still awaiting the judges' decision...